The Chasm Scene from Four's POV
by Zariha321
Summary: Today I received a request to do the chasm scene from Four's POV, so here it is. I don't usually do requests, but this one seemed like a fun one. I hope you enjoy.


**DauntlessCrow requested that I do this part of Divergent as a One Shot from Four's POV, so here it is. I hope you enjoy.**

I own nothing but my thoughts.

We walk quietly toward the Pit, hand in hand as the events of the past half hour run through my head. This girl has seen my deepest, darkest fears and yet she is still here with me, holding my hand. She seems to me uncomfortable holding my hand. I know this is a new experience for her. That was always one thing I didn't like about Abnegation. They think that to be selfless you have to forgo physical contact with others that is selfish to want to feel someone's touch. But it is human nature to crave the feel of another person.

To try to calm her, I run my thumb back and forth across the palm of her hand. She seems to relax a little, but she tightens her grip and pulls herself closer against my shoulder. I get the feeling that she has me, and she is never going to let me go. That thought brings a smile to my face. I know that I'm already falling for her; I know that I could make a life with this girl if she'll have me. But I have to suppress these feelings right now. It is too soon and she is too young to think about things like that. But I can wait. I could wait forever for her.

We continue to walk silently toward the chasm, enjoying each other's company. The silence is natural, not uncomfortable at all. I thought I might be uncomfortable with her once she learned about all of my fears, about Marcus. But I'm not. I'm relieved that someone finally knows the truth about my horrible father. I know she's heard about the reports from the Erudite that accuse him of being abusive. I also know that the Abnegation don't believe a word of it. If she didn't believe before, she certainly will believe now.

She stood up to my fear, forcing me to stand up for her. I couldn't do it for myself, but I would stand up against anyone for her. I proved that to myself when I finally, for the first time really stood up to Marcus, even if it was just in a simulation. It gives me hope that someday I will be able to really stand up for myself and finally feel worthy of Dauntless.

"So," she says after a few minutes of silence. "Four fears."

"Four fears then, four fears now." I say nodding. "They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but… I still haven't made any progress."

"You can't be fearless, remember? Because you still care about things. About your life."

"I know." I tell her.

I wonder if she has memorized everything I have ever told her. All through the simulation, she kept reminding me of everything that I ever told her to help her get out of the simulations. Hearing her remind me helped me to remember why I was there and what I needed to do to get through and move on. Maybe since she went with me, my fears will have changed slightly. I guess I'll see next time I go.

We walk along a narrow path that leads to the bottom of the chasm. I found this two years ago when I was an initiate. I would come down here to escape from the rest of the initiates. I was desperate to get away from the noise and chaos of the compound. I especially needed to get away from Eric. He was always so competitive with me and always challenging me when the training day was done. He couldn't handle coming in second to a 'stiff.' So I came here to get away from everything. Even now this is one of my favorite spots, next to the training room. I still love to come here to clear my head when I can't seem to make sense out of life in Dauntless anymore.

We continue winding our way down the path when she asks me the question that I know she has been desperate to ask.

"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results."

"Ah," I say rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"How demanding you are." I smile.

I know that eventually she needs to know that I'm also divergent. But she is in so much danger right now, I can't risk telling her that and having them use it against her to break her down somehow.

I continue to lead her to the end of the path at the bottom of the chasm, across angular paths that lead toward a set of large boulders. There is a flat rock that overlooks the underground river. I lead her over to it and sit down, pulling her down with me. She sits next to me and looks at me expectantly. I release her hand and look down at the water churning below us.

This river is a perfect metaphor for me and my life, calm and serene but also turbulent and dangerous. All of these things churn inside of me, just like they churn within the river. Beautiful and lethal, calm and dangerous all at the same time, and I know these things are within her too.

"These are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends."

My friends are great. They are loyal and trustworthy, but I have not been brave enough to open up to them this much. I really don't know what it is about her that makes me want to open up and share things with her. I don't know why I trust her so much with the real me.

"My results were as expected, Abnegation." I tell her.

She looks down, kind of sad. I know she was hoping I would tell her that I am Divergent, but I just can't do that yet. I know she is desperate to know someone other than her is going through what she is. She just wants someone to share it with. I will be that person, but not yet.

"Oh," she says miserably. I can see the disbelief and sadness wash over her. "But you chose Dauntless anyway?"

"Out of necessity."

"Why did you have to leave?"

I look away from her. I want her to figure this out for herself so that she understands the decisions that I have made from my choosing day through to now. I see her rub her wrist where Marcus' belt wrapped around it in the simulation. I can see in it in her eyes that she understands.

"You had to get away from your dad," she says. "Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"

I shrug, "That, and I have always felt that I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."

"But you're incredible," she says. She thinks I'm incredible? This is too good to be true. She clears her throat, "I mean by Dauntless standards. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"

I know what other people think. I know how I am seen among the Dauntless. The prodigy, the guy with only four fears, the guy who has better aim and better fighting skills than most anyone else. The guy who can beat another man to a bloody pulp and walks away virtually unharmed. But what does that all mean? Nothing.

"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different," I say. "All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when you are in danger, it becomes your first instinct. I could belong in Abnegation just as easily."

She looks down at the churning water and thinks about this for a moment. She doesn't look at me when she speaks. "Yeah, well I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be."

"That is not entirely true. That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend, who hit my dad with a belt to protect me, that selfless girl, that's not you?"

Of course that is who she is. She just doesn't see those acts as selfless, but that is what they are. She has been trained so much to forget herself, she doesn't even realize that she is doing it. Even now, as she sits there she doubts herself, she doubts her worth and what her worth is to other people. She may even doubt that I could have feelings for her.

She looks at me, "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?"

"I like to observe people."

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar."

I place my hand on the rock next to me, lining up my fingers with hers. Everything about her is small, but nothing about her is fragile. She is strong both physically and mentally. I love that about her. She is confident, beautiful, sweet, and dangerous all at the same time.

"Fine," I lean in to her and look at her features closely. She really is beautiful. "I watched you because I like you." I look into her eyes and try to read her thoughts. "And don't call me 'Four', okay? It's nice to hear my name again."

Finally, I've told her how I feel. It's nice to finally say it out loud. She averts her eyes, looking around at the chasm walls and the water. She can't seem to meet my eyes again. She is adorable, sweet, and completely flustered. I laugh to myself. She has no idea how to respond to my declaration.

"But you're older than I am…_Tobias_."

I smile, it amazes me how well I know this girl already. Even though I've confessed my feelings for her, she still doesn't think it could possibly be real.

"Yes, that whopping two-year gap really is _insurmountable,_isn't it?"

"I'm not trying to be self- depreciating," she says, "I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty. I-"

I laugh this time. Not at her, but at the fact that she thinks she isn't pretty and that she isn't good enough for me. I lean in and place a gentle kiss on her temple.

"Don't pretend," she says. "You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty."

I am never going to win this argument with her, so I give in. She has spent her whole life not being able to look at herself and having to forget herself. No one has ever told her that she's pretty or desirable. Maybe not today, but some day she will realize that she is the most beautiful woman in the world as far as I'm concerned. "Fine. You're not pretty. So?" I lean in again and kiss her cheek. My heart starts to race. I have been dying for weeks to be this close to her, and now I finally am. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus…" I look at her thoughtfully. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."

"Well," she says. "You're not."

I look into her crystal clear eyes. These eyes could see deep down into the depths of my soul. These eyes could know every inch of me, body and mind. They hold my gaze as I place my hand on her face and run my fingers through her hair. I pull her in close to me and kiss her gently the lips. I pull away and smile at her, she smiles back. My heart is racing as loud as the river in my ears. I run my fingers up her neck and along her jaw. I lean in and press my mouth to hers a little more this time.

I feel her body stiffen and I pull away just for a moment. I take her face in both of my hands and I look into her eyes. I kiss her again, this time with more passion and confidence. I love the feel of her soft skin in my hands and her lips on mine. I pull her closer to me and wrap my fingers through her hair with one hand and I graze her neck, jaw, and cheek with the other. She wraps her arms around me, her hand sliding up the back of my neck and into my hair.

My whole body is vibrating from this contact. She is finally here, in my arms. This is the happiest that I've ever been. We continue to kiss in the bottom of the chasm, our embrace becoming more enthusiastic and more ravenous. I never thought I'd ever feel this way, ever be close to someone like this. I never thought I would ever find love in Dauntless. I guess I was wrong.

We emerge a short time later hand in hand and go our separate ways. As I walk to my apartment, I think about all of the things that we didn't talk about. We didn't talk about what will happen next or what this all means. We should have talked about it. Tomorrow we will be amongst the initiates and Eric. I can't let them know that anything has changed. They can't know that I have feelings for her. They will never believe that her ranking is because of her brilliance and strength and not our budding relationship.

I should have told her all of this. I should have talked to her and explained. I can now only hope that she doesn't take anything that happens to heart. I will have to go back to being her instructor tomorrow. I hope she realizes that doesn't change the way that I feel about her.

I really wish we would have talked about this.


End file.
